The Empty Page...

There has been a space between the first of March and this day on the 19th of April where I have been going between Full Tilt Boogie and staring at the wall. The Orange Capsules may have something to do with the latter but I am grateful to The Orange Capsules for keeping the knife points of pain at bay, so that I can get on with all that I have been doing since the last day of Stitches West.

Poor Holly has been wondering if I am dead or alive, having to spoon feed me the material for my April newsletter. Yeah, the mind has been in Other Places. I guess that the Biggest Other Place has been the upcoming Stitches South at the Galleria in Atlanta. We got the boxes to the Amtrak Station in Sacramento last Monday, all 24 of them and yesterday, Rod got the call from Atlanta to tell us that they had all arrived safely. Now all that WE have to do is catch a plane at the Before Dawn O'Clock on Tuesday and we will be there, too.

Rod and I, well we are excited to Get Away, as they say. It has been a tough few weeks and now we are getting ready for the trip. I finished dyeing my last To-Order skeins just now and will get all of the delinquent orders into the mail on Monday morning.

He has been HAMMERING and Hammering and hammering. We forced his hand by planting all of those dear little seeds and so he had to make good on his promise to build a fortress for a garden, such as it is. Thank you for building yet another fence. The last ones are all owned by others, now.

Today is a spectacular day in the Foothills and last weekend, on Easter Sunday, the sap began to rise, here at 2200 feet, meaning that all of those naughty bits have emerged on the trees around here and it has been raining big fat POLLEN goobers. I swear, it looked like some chicken was taking a dust bath in the back yard yesterday because the air was so full of This.

No, the car isn't ORANGE...

Anyway, it has been so cold this spring, which has been a double edged sword. On the plus side, the daffodils have been up for over a MONTH and the tulips were the perfect Easter Eggs on Easter...BUT, today the weather worm has turned and the once chilled plants are practically passing out from the sun that they SAY they have been craving. I dunno, those red tulips are really TARTS, from where I see it, wide open and waiting for a bumble bee but settling for some sort of breeze. The yarrow in a bed over here is wilting, poor thing...

So, the Shingles are somewhat under control, with meds. I am trying to be a solid figure and feeling a little bit too solid after all of this nerve business kept me from my usual exercise patterns. At least I am past the time of wanting to shoot my bra OVER THE HOUSE because it had become a thing of torture. I guess that I forget how bad it was until Rod mimics my hand on my side and bent over posture...yeah, I guess that I AM a lot better. There are days and times when I am reminded that I still need that Orange Capsule but overall, especially with the weather warming up, I am feeling BETTER. I know that I can go to Stitches South and remember it...I DO remember West but I have a little foggier memory than I should, if you know what I mean.

We visited Mom this morning, early. Lauren and the Schnickle were doing their own things (he with Daddy) and so Rod and I had an 8 am or so, visit to The Waffle Shop. You know that it is bad when the waitress asks you if you want the Usual...no, she didn't say the Usual but stood there and said, Ready To Order before we did the fake look at the menu, because we wanted The Usual. :o) We took our time and I knew that I wanted to get to the Pines while mom was alert, at Breakfast. We were happy with the general hubbub of all of those nurses and aids taking care of everyone and found mom awake and looking pretty good. Her breakfast was on her tray and looked untouched, until I lifted the lid from the plate...a bite, maybe two. I picked up the spoon and started feeding her and she opened her mouth like a baby bird. We were wondering what the mystery food could be and found out later that it was Eggs and Toast in pureed plops and of course some cream of wheat. OY. I made light of the food and she ate about half of that stuff and when I found a jam packet on the tray, I tried putting a bit of that with the COW and called it Breakfast Dessert. She ate a decent amount. It is interesting because she had refused to eat for the aid.

I think that she may have thought that I was her mother but I am not sure. She said no, once and repeated Daffodils? when I talked about our flowers. That was it. She has another infection and is back on antibiotics and is like the Energizer Bunny of Dying People. I don't mean that disrespectfully but for someone in the Convalescent Hospital, sent back there to die, essentially because she is on Comfort Care, well, she just keeps hanging in there. I , of course, did not tell her that we are going to Atlanta but we'll see what happens. You know that saga of my trips to shows...HOSPITAL. No hospital anymore but I think that is just so much better for her. Let her be, take care of her and we will take it one day at a time.

So, that's my story. I got a lot more grey, thanks to all of this C R A P and so I got new glasses, colored my hair and got a treadmill. Sound like a mid-life crisis? Yeah, I guess. I thought, today, as I was feeding my mother, how as a child I had longed for a letter at camp. No letter, ever. I was a latch key kid and had a detached mom. She probably suffered a lot at the hands of her unhappy mother and her mother before her. I broke the chain and although I got choked up about it today, the point is that I can forgive her. She can't hurt me any more, as Rod reminded me today. Now the work is to face all of the sad things and let that little girl go outside and play. Whoopeeeeeee! :o)

Off we go...

Comments

[AlisonH]

Wave hi to the Peachtree State and my sister for me and have a good trip. Thank you both for taking care of your mom the way you do, with love and caring.

And? Hey. I once went with my grandparents to their favorite weekly restaurant, and when my 94-year-old grandpa placed his order, the waitress behind his back smiled at my cousin and whispered to him, It's okay, I know what he really wants, don't worry.

When the food came, Grampa was of course delighted. She'd gotten it right!

[kit]

Yes Lisa, go to Atlanta and play like crazy. I'm glad to hear your feeling better too. Have a great show!

[Sheila E]

See you Soon!
Have a good trip...hope you get to sleep on the plane.
Atlanta here we come!!

[Laurie]

Takes a long time to get to where she can't hurt you any more. It's a very important, strong jumping off point for the starting of resolution.

Yeesh shingles sound horrible. I had to laugh at that picture of the bra over the roof.

[Liz C.]

I've never posted before but have been an avid reader for quite some time now. The way that you have been so honest and real about what you are going through in your life with your mother has been such a gift. I too, had a difficult relationship with my Mom and it has helped me to sort things out about my relationship by you sharing yours. Your strength is an inspiration. I hope you enjoy your trip to Atlanta and it is very successful for you. I also hope your battle with shingles is over soon!