Tilt-a-whirl

That's What It Is All About...Color

I'm not kidding, it was good to clean up my carding area today. I did two things...work the living heck out of one piece of fiber but blending the beejeesus out of it and then... I did this.

That's what I'm talkin' about. It was worth the mind numbing blending part of the day to finally let go and achieve this one. Exactly 4 ounces. If you want it, it is $22. BFL. Mardi Gras. First one to email gets it.

Spoken for! :o)

Pictures

Yesterday, to drag myself out of the mire of another BLUE FUNK DAY I got out of bed, did the dog chores and told Rod that I needed to get out of the house for the day so that I would not lose my mind. You see, I got news the day before that my beautiful little grandson fell, when in the supervision of another, and broke one of his front teeth to the point of having to have it extracted. A wave of sadness came over me for this little guy, with all that he has been through and with all that I have been through and it just finally settled like a dark cloud. Yesterday, I decided to take my happiness in my own hands and Get Out of Dodge.

We made coffee in travel mugs, peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast on the road and got going. I told Rod that I would like to go to the Calaveras Big Trees State Park and then just drive on from there. We had a remarkable and peaceful walk through the North Grove, before the hordes descended, enjoying the sound of the forest birds (same lovely grosbeaks that we have here in our forest), clouds of dogwood blossoms and magnificent ancient beings in the guise of Giant Sequoia Redwoods. (this is a whole other kind of Redwood from what I grew up with on the Coast of California) This park is a little treasure and I felt so happy to be in such a beautiful place. Just as other day visitors were beginning to arrive, we were back at the car for a picnic. We drove down to the South Grove, stopping at one time to a vista point where we could watch a thunder storm over the Sierra. Magnificent.

On we drove, out of the park and on up highway 4, over one of the most beautiful and scenic drives that I have ever taken. The pass was open and so we made it all of the way over to the edge of the Carson Valley, back around to South Lake Tahoe and on up highway 50 to home. A grand circle through magnificent land. National Forests. Our treasures.

Not a camera between us but vistas imprinted on our memories.

I promised pictures and I have pictures. It has been a beautiful Spring around here and my garden, knock wood, remains untouched. This is the butterfly and hummy garden in front of the Studio/guest house. That is Mortimer Bird back there by the hummingbird feeder. I could not resist him on Mother's Day.

I told you how Rod was building a garden for me, behind fencing, where the deer could not eat The Schnickle's radishes. Well, he finished the two magnificent beds behind that magnificent fence and we got one bed ready for some veggies and the other for roses...two favorites of those pesky deer.

This really thrills me. It is outside of our bedroom and that giant bathroom window and I tend to stare at it a lot. I will be able to totter out there in my dotage. Thanks Rod. It is fabulous.

My other two roommates like it, too. The Scnickle and his Mama planted radish and carrot seeds and on this day, the radishes were beginning to emerge. I love Instant Gratification Plants, don't you? I think that radishes were invented so that children could grow something and have the thrill of seed to mouth in a short period of time.

Oh yeah, that is Lauren's famous E.T. finger. Love those long fingers.

It has been a little bit hard to concentrate on my art with all that has been happening around here but a few days ago, I took a big run of What Was I Thinking colorway on El Dorado and shoved it in a pot of Something Completely Different and this came out. Magic.

Time to go eat breakfast and plan my day. Going to try to make it another happy one. :o)

Update

Got a call from the Pines this morning. April The RN says that they need me to drive down to Kaiser to pick up meds for mom. Ok, the Physician's Assistant THINKS that the tremors are being caused by the dosage of narcotic. I will go pick up the lighter patches. April also tells me that Mom ate 90% of her breakfast. Alright, cool. Oh yeah, they are getting her up for a shower and are going to try to take her outside today. (!) Huh??? Are you talking about MY mother? Louise???

We make the journey to Folsom (an hour plus, round trip) and return with the drugs. Did you see Mom yet, she asks? Yeah, she is out in the Day Room, sitting up looking out the WINDOW. WHAT????????? April and the other RN were discussing me just before we arrived and when I found out that she had the idea that I would drive another hour plus to  go back to Kaiser for THE POTASSIUM THAT SHE WAS LACKING , I gave them the prescribed reaction. Ummmm, call your pharmacy. I'll pay to have it delivered. Oh and WHAT??? yeah, they think that her low potassium levels were making her PLAY DEAD.

I held my breath and headed into the Day Room, which is where mom would never go in a MILLION YEARS and found her dressed up in a purple, flowere muu-muu (!) with her hair combed in a jaunty side pony tail, sitting in a special padded chair LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW. This is seriously blowing my mind. She asked "how many"? when I told her that we planted roses yesterday. Oh, and who ARE you? The woman who has been dying since last Friday? I give up. I feel like someone has been beating me around the head and neck with bananas (yay, POTASSIUM).

Some Days Are Just Bittersweet

Glub glub glub...it has been pretty darned hard lately and I think that I am waiting for the pain on the inside and outside, to stop. If you need me to be funny and cheerful, today will not be the read for you and I promise to pump things up with pictures of the Good Stuff with the next post.

Things got harder on Friday. I got a phone call at about 10 PM, from a nurse at the Pines, telling me that mom had begun to have seizures and did I want to give permission for her to go to the hospital. Count...one, two, three...um, Mom was brought back from Kaiser, in February, for Comfort Care, which means that she is not to be taken to the hospital, ever again. Silence...one, two, three...well, if that is how you want it. Gulp. I'm sorry but do you KNOW how hard it is for me to have to say this out loud Again and Again? I had to say OUT LOUD to the PT guy at Kaiser, after mom had the HUGE stroke that she made me promise that there were to be no feeding tubes. It took all of my strength to do it that time. Ok, the nurse sighs and tries to tell me that I am Not A Bad Person. WTF? Lucky for me that Lauren was home with me and so she helped me realize that this nurse did not want mom to die on her watch. Yeah, that would suck but I promised that if possible, she would not die in a hospital, with all of the poking and machines and stuff.

I was remarkably calm when I finally went in to go to bed and kept myself busy by surfing the web with the laptop on the bed. (the things that you can do when the spouse is away for the night!) I expected to be awakened at 3 am to The Call. The Call did not come.

The place was still on Lockdown on Saturday but we were assured that there had been no new cases of the intestinal whatsis and that we could chance it on Sunday. We headed to the Waffle Shop for some comfort food and then on for our visit. Her nurse helped me wake her and remarkably, once she saw the Schnickle by her side, her hand was furiously trying to get out from under the covers.

Her face was twitching on the left side and her left foot was jerking. She had not eaten in three days and when I tried to give her a sip of water, she would not take it OR I was doing it poorly. We tried to be upbeat but informational, in case this was our Last Time. I told her how things were going well for both of my kids and the Schnickle got to tell her about catching his first two fish at a nearby pond. She tried hard and mouthed, Terrific. Where does this strength come from? I wanted her to know that we will be ok. Her tongue looked like the color of liver and reminded me of Stroke Day.

I told her nurse that she had not taken water but that she looked incredibly parched and she told me that she would fix that for her. I began to walk toward the exit and then turned back, went to April, threw my arms around her and thanked her for being so kind to mom. Thanked her for caring and being so good to her. I broke down, at that point. I just kept hugging and hugging, hoping that someone could help make it better. Time to suck it up...again.

We left there and had to run some errands afterward. I kept it together throughout the shopping expedition but on the way home, my face began to fall and I knew that I would not be able to keep up the cheery Grammy facade much longer.

The rest of the day was just plain hard and mournful.

When I called to talk to April, the next morning, Mom had eaten. Why-I-oughta. :o) Well, uh...WTF? She is still having the small seizures and we now wait to hear what the visiting physician has to say as a guess to what is going on. So, we are back to waiting as the sands run out. My step-father lived and lived and lived and lived on nothing by mouth for an impossibly long time until mom gave him permission to go. Later that night his organs all fell apart. He waited and waited and waited...for her. Now there is no one to hang around for but herself. I gave her permission the last Big Time and now I just don't know if it will piss her off if I say it again.

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We lost a very brave woman friend yesterday. Audrey F Clarke was an amazing artist, seamstress, knitter and mother. I never knew Audrey before her colon cancer. She had already had that surgery and had been healthy when we first met. She came along with the package when Brenda Patipa came into my life and it was a good deal. It was a two-fer many days because Audrey would come to the old house and help with inventory or with skein bands, always just wanting to be paid in yarn, because after all, Audrey was A Knitter. She and Brenda had worked at CAPA, which is a dance studio in Moraga and Audrey had been responsible for so many of the dancer's costumes, staying up into the wee hours to create with tulle and satin and ribbons.

  What I could never get over was the beautiful knitting that would come from this woman. Brenda had designed a sweater a couple of years earlier, in cotton, which when reworked in my old Blue Faced Leicester sport weight had become a beautiful garment. Audrey had requested a greeny gold called Bronze and knitted the piece to perfection, having Gone To The Mat with Brenda over some design elements. Instead of arguing with her, Brenda gave in, because she knew that Audrey was probably right about this or that. When the garment was finished, we learned that Audrey's cancer had come back but this time had attached to her liver. The sweater became The Audrey.

  She always assured me that she was not worried and that she could handle this liver biopsy thing, standing on her head. Her beautiful silver hair would be framed in the door of the old workshop and while I could not see her blue eyes twinkle, I knew that it was happening, all the while.

Gosh, I remember when my dear buddy Tom drove to the house, soon after escaping the hospital (should not have been doing this) and found himself in our little house surrounded by women...me, Brenda and Audrey. He was thinking of moving to the Bay Area and was kvetching about having to wear shoes and socks when his life had just been about flip flops for so long. Audrey volunteered to make him a pair of socks from a skein of Gendarme! That was Audrey. Knit knit knit until the treatments bothered her fingertips so much that she had to curtail knitting for a good long while.

We moved here almost two years ago and I know that it was sad to be away from my women friends but I knew that I was moving forward. Brenda kept me up to date on Audrey's treatments with a matter of fact way that belied her fear of losing her friend. When she called me to tell me, just...what...a little over a week ago, that the family announced that Audrey was coming home for hospice, we all stopped the Denial. It was happening. It was going to happen.

Audrey's first born, Gabrielle, had the hard job of being the Gate Keeper and kept a large group of people up to date on her mother's progress, via email. Everyone was to stay away and no flowers or things were to arrive because, well, Audrey did not want any fuss. I just cracked up at little Brenda saying...hell NO, they aren't going to keep me away. I HAVE to see her...and she did. Brenda, in her special way, got to take her Go To gift to the family...comfort food. A true Jewish Mama.

Gabrielle kept a few notes coming about Audrey actually doing some walking and eating and sleeping. Ok, she is a fighter. Then, yesterday came the letter that asked all of us to give Audrey, who had slipped into Transition Mode, the love and umph to find, as her daughter said, the magic red button to allow her to leave. What? Not yet! Yes, the time had come and she must have gotten  the biggest silent send-off on the planet because the news came within two hours that Audrey had Gotten Away. Ah, weightlessness. The pain is gone now and it is just for those of us here on this side to come to terms with what this means, for each of us.

Audrey F Clarke was a Knitter. Bon Voyage dear friend. It was a privilege to know you and I will touch your garments and see your twinkling blue eyes, silver hair and remarkable smile. (In my farewell to her, I dared her to be loud enough of a ghost to let her family hear her count in French as she cast on her knitting. My step-father Lenny was a LOUD ghost and he called my name That One Time in broad daylight.)

Bittersweet, I told you.

Schnickle and Mama will be moving very soon, into their own home. It is time. I have had the privilege of getting to know my daughter as an adult, in a way that can only happen when you live together. I have also had the privilege of watching my grandson turn from a baby to a little boy (a BIG little boy) during this time period and I am grateful for this time with him. I hope that he can remember the fun that we had.

Now I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and carry on.

Rod has been filling the beautiful raised garden boxes that he built for me. Trip after trip with the wheelbarrow. This gift of a fenced garden with high boxes will mean that I can garden on here for a long long time, goddess willing. He put up a feeding station for the squirrel and well, life goes on.

P.S. Tomorrow, when my camera battery is all juiced up, I will take pictures of the Rose Garden. Now I feel better...

Want to play hookie!

It is beautiful up here today. The sky and trees are doing their best Newtown and I could not be happier to,  and as my grandmother used to say to her younger siblings, Go Outside and See If I'm There. The creeks are roaring and the air is clean. I want to fling every last window open wide. The house just has that closed up with dogs smell...organic but stale. This fresh air fiend is going to do just that!

My heart goes out to the folks in the Santa Barbara area, which has always been such a lovely and truly Mediterranean region, where bouganvilla grow wild. They obviously did not have the benefit of all of the pounding rain that we accumulated for several days and bone dry conditions make for a scary place to live. I have been ALL OVER a Certain Someone about getting in touch with some OTHER one to come to chip all of the brush left by the power line tree cutters and by His Very Own Self. Nossir, I am not going to go into Summer with the spectre of dry brush piles looming large. I want it to go away and if we need to pay someone to come here to chip it, then that is what we will do.

We witnessed Oakland burn and the vision of Santa Barbara going up in flames is just tragic.

Do you know how I can feel Summer coming? Well, beside the fact that I MAY have to put away my winter clothes? The visitor list is expanding. Today, Saturday and Monday are spoken for. How nice. It IS a lovely day for a visit!

I have made it through a great many of my orders, generated when we were on the road and that is making me feel a little better. I don't like to make people wait but I am still only one person, after all.

I stopped taking the nerve medicine a little bit before I RAN out. I hope that there will be a time when I no longer feel the post herpatic pain but I just don't like the way that the Gabapentin gives me dry mouth and dry skin. I realized, a few days into the withdrawal, that I have my sense of touch back again. I did not know that this had happened but now soft feels REALLY soft again. I need that. I don't need The Tingler nerve when it goes off like a rocket but I REALLY don't need to be dependent on some pharmaceutical forever, ya know? Shingles sucks but a lot of things are WORSE and so I can be brave and quit whining. :o)

Mom is...well...mom. She plays dead or dying for me and is Chatty Cathy with her nurse, April. Nice.

Time to throw open those winders. :o)

Rainy Day Shenanigans

First off, I hope that those of you having fun at M$&W are dry and full of yummy food, trying to stuff your loot into trunks of cars and suitcases. I just remember the journey home from that adventure, as so many years ago it seems, with a taut carry-on that contained THREE fleeces! It was so much fun and a leap of faith to go, meeting internet friends for the first time. I hope that there is a whole new wave of that going on this weekend and I wish my vendor/artisan friends empty boxes for the journey home.

We picked up OUR boxes from Amtrak this morning and it took them 4 days to get them to Sacramento from Atlanta. That includes two trains, other than the one that began the journey on Monday. Not bad. Of course this time the boxes were not put on pallets (note to self...do not watch those nutty people THROW THE PALLETS AWAY!!!) and of course the boxes were a little bit worse for wear. No damage to contents but broken boxes, all the same. SIGH. Now the box contents have been put away, for the most part and in the morning I can pull stuff from stock for orders. That makes me dance a jig, after having to dye to order for all of these weeks. WHEW!

The May rain has taken us a bit by surprise, even though it was forecast by the powers that be. I had the house to myself last evening and was amazed to hear the sound of rain DUMPING outside when I headed to bed. We awoke to find that there had been 2 inches in 24 hours, which is not HUGE by Healdsburg standards (they see 5 inches at times) but for us, with the saturated ground, this means that the creeks have waterfalls, once again. Fabulous. The well is taken care of and the trees can perhaps have some way to drown those &%#$@& bark beetles. I'll take it, thank you VERY much.

We did have crews here the other day, cutting or topping (!) several trees on the property lines (we have no fences) because their health made them vulnerable enough to threaten power lines. The power company pays to have tree cutters roam the foothills and mountains in search of targets. One particularly large Ponderosa Pine that was toppled turned out to be 62 years old when it succumbed to those beetles. I could pull back the bark and see the small beetles and the jillions of progeny mining the cambrium layer of that poor tree. We hope that the rain and subsequent water takeup by the trees will make it too wet of an environment for these tiny monsters that threaten our forests. We are lucky to have a mixed forest, with said pines as well as Cedar, Douglas Fir, Black Oak, Mountain Maple and a couple of prized Sugar Pines. That being said, I would mourn the loss of some of these big old trees. The woodpeckers are doing their best to feast on the bugs, peeling the bark, but they are too slow to save them all.

Well, I think that I will go snag some of the new baby alpaca/cashmere top that I premiered at Atlanta and give it a whirl on the Rose. I cleaned up my spinning corner and so I deserve a little spinning pleasure!