Tilt-a-whirl

What Happened???

It was quite a benign beginning to all of this pre-holiday stuff but I think that catching my breath after mom's death was made much more difficult by all of the LIFE that got in the way. It has been a couple of weeks since we took the West Coast family (East Coast family is here, safe and sound.) to cut Christmas Trees. We took the Big Ass Van up the Hill to Pollock Pines for our first Go See and the West Coast Family found their perfect tree to grace their living room. They really had to work for it and The Schnickle gave Brian a hand, cutting that Perfect Tree while Mama recorded the event and Grampy stood by to help.

Man was it cold up there that day and little did we know what was heading our way. We left Pollock Pines and made our way down the hill to another tree farm in Placerville, where we found OUR perfect tree, which happens to be a ginormous Silver Fir. The West Coast family helped us guard that perfect tree as Grampy went for a Cutter to gitterdone. These two are just perfect for one another and are officially engaged to be married. Aren't they cute? Lauren and Brian.

The next day, Lauren, The Scnickle, Grampy and I headed to town to watch the Christmas Parade. It actually did a little weather related shenanigans BEFORE we went down there but because of the little guy, we took our chairs and warm clothes and umbrella and gave it a try. As we were awaiting the beginning of the parade, it started to snow a little...that corn snow that seems to precede the REAL stuff. We were bundled up and laughing at ourselves but the little guy insisted that we stay and so we did. We waved and cheered with all of our fellow Placerville residents, awaiting the Big Man at the end of the parade. We thought that the snow on the Christmas parade was charming. Uh...

Early Monday morning, I realized that we were completely in the dark up here. Ok, power is out. It will come back on soon. Daybreak came and we saw what had happened overnight. Placerville was Ground Zero for the biggest early snowstorm in 20 years. We are "officially" below the snowline and the trees around here are not used to the loads of white stuff. BAM!

This tree broke in half and the top half hit the house, almost taking the phone line, which would have been disastrous, simply because we have no cell coverage up here. Rod got up the ladder and with the help of his trusty saw, eliminated enough branches to make moving the tree off of the house an easier job.

See what I mean? Look at the craziness!

We still thought that it was fun, when this picture was taken.

We had no idea that the power was going to be out for FOUR DAYS. It took us three days to shovel the driveway all of the way down so that we could get the 4 wheel drive to help us get down to Lauren's for a much needed shower. OY. I was talking to a lady from Texas when I heard a shudder on the house and a tree broke and took the power lines out at the house. I knew at that moment that we were screwed. On the 4th night, when the trees glowed with the lights from the PG&E trucks, I was overjoyed. They guys told us that they would not leave us until they got us hooked up. It took a long time because a tree was on the main line for us and our neighbors up the hill. With hot tea and cookies in their tummies, they headed back down the driveway and out to the street (it was a big struggle to get the big truck backed up to the road) to hook us back up. WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Now we have a blade for the front of the ATV (not on yet but we have it) and the electrician has been signed on to get a generator attached to the house. No more long days of no water or power for this old gal. This one really took the cake and wore me out.

Since then, Lorrie has been here to help me turn and burn the orders that came in while we were out of commission. They all went out and we finished the latest ones today.

We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary a week late because the actual day was spent helping out at a memorial for our friend, Russ Simpson, who died suddenly when we were in Hartford for Stitches. It was a lovely event and so many people came together to give Russ a good send-off. He was a model maker for the original Star Trek movie and spent his last years with his model railroad business. He will be sorely missed by all of his friends and fans.

We got to help the Schnickle celebrate his 4th birthday and our anniversary all in one fell swoop, going bowling with the West Coaster's. It was a wonderful surprise and so much fun. I forgot how much l loved bowling and had to re-educate my bowling muscles. My fingers have developed much more enlarged knuckles with all of the hard work that my hands have done since last we bowled and it was hard to find a ball that was not 16 pounds that would fit my hand! It was all good fun.

Brian caught three big Lake trout the day before and cooked them up for our wonderful dinner. We had to delay the dinner just a bit because the Cameron Park fire department was sending their guys our on a Santa Run around the neighborhoods, lights and sirens going like crazy while the young firemen ran alongside, handing out candy canes as we waved at Santa. It was remarkable.

Our weekend was completed with our third annual ride on Doc Wiser's wonderful stagecoach in town. He is such a cool guy and he and his friends make sure that Placerville is a fun family destination, during the holidays. The friends dress up in period costume and help with the fun.

So, now we are pretty much caught up. The East Coast Souza's are napping after their LONG ordeal of trying to get here, just as a big snow storm hit the east coast. It's all good.

Who We Used To Be

Ah, last night I was able to heal from The Day of The Ugly Cry (Oprah's term) at our daughter's house. She made such a fun evening of cheering for the Ducks (Going to the Rose Bowl!) turn into a medicinal healing time. I am forever grateful. Nothing like a little wine, yummy food and antics to bring a gal back to life. SHE is a great daughter. :o)

So, that being said, I decided to go through Mom's photo album from her beloved days with the SF Opera Company. I had to write her Obit yesterday and somehow forgot that she had been an early Merola Award winner, which was hugely prestigious in the Opera circles. Most of her pictures began in 1956 and were kind of blurry black and white snaps of people like Renatta Tibaldi when she sang Tosca. Mom was in her heyday and my parents were still married.

The first color photo is in 1959, a couple of years into her life as a single mother. She had done her own makeup according to the chart on the wall, down there in the bowels of the Opera House, AKA our home away from home. This is mom as one of the rabble in Carmen. Check out those requisite stage shoes. I just love the music of Carmen and I think that it is deep in my DNA.

Back in the day, before Los Angeles created an opera company of its own, the SF Opera Company used to put the whole shebang onto a train at the end of the season up here and send everybody and all of the paraphernalia down to the Shrine Auditorium. One year, before mom remarried (probably because she had nowhere to leave me) I had the privilege of going along for the ride, which was on the Milk Train, which seemed to stop and start all of the way down the coast. This was in 1960. We had a lot of fun with the whole gang of singers and musicians and got to go to Mexico and Disneyland and all of the great places. This was when mom actually enjoyed going somewhere.

This picture is of the two of us in 1960 and so I had to be just 10. I usually stood in the wings watching the operas (such a good little girl) and this time, her friends decided that for the mob scene in La Boheme, they could cobble together a costume for me out of bits and pieces of their costumes from other scenes. I got to be carried onstage by some big strong guy and had my first taste of the opera stage. It was magical and thrilling. I hope that there is some way for me to get in contact with some of the women and men who had so much fun back then. I'm sure that they missed the Happy Louise, too. I think that she really did love having me there.

Rod, who helped me with the digitizing of the photos, remarked about how much I grew in one year. Yeah, this is true. Here we are in 1961 in our costumes for Boris Gudonov. This was the year that I got to do so many bit parts as an extra. This one was for the big tableau with the Royal Family and all of the poor peasants. I remember standing way up on a platform on Stage Left, waving at the crowd. This photo was at the SF Opera House. She got me into the Supernumerary program that year. I remember the strange little man who herded the cats known as Supers. He had a life sized doll who was his little girl. Kind of creepy, now that I think of it but these were Show People. :o)

Gosh, I remember taking the bus from Oakland over to the City when Mom was already in rehearsal and getting myself to the Opera House after school. Who does that these days? No one, I imagine. The world is a different place, to be sure.

Here she is in a fabulous costume in what was probably one of the last season's in LA. This costume was for Die Fledermous. Notice the big crate of stuff behind her? This is how the show went on the road back then. She was so glamorous, wasn't she? This is how I am choosing to remember my mother.

 

We had a long haul and a lot of hard times. She was so unhappy for so many years and I can't put my finger on when it all happened but I am just so glad that this is all over. She can be where there is no unhappiness or pain...just love. This life was a struggle with some very exciting and wonderful times. She was so talented and her voice students loved her because she gave them so much advice as well as vocal help. I remember telling her that she was half counselor and these folks were getting quite the bargain in her. It broke my heart when she began failing and I know now that she had been quite ill for a long time. She hid her oncoming blindness and could not hide her body changing, which is why I think that she stayed away from the Opera crowd over the years. I am sorry for that because I think that down deep, she missed those people and that life. There was a savage chorus master who changed the whole feeling at the Opera House, making the veterans feel old and ugly. Mom stood up to it for a long time but in the end, quit.

It is ironic that she and I quit the "music business" the same year. I was getting "too old" at 30 to keep trying to be a Rock Star and at 55, she was feeling too old for the physical beating that her body took on that stage.

I wish that her final years had not been so unhappy. She just wanted to rest and my step-dad was worried about her, always thinking that she would go before him, even though he was 12 years her senior. He made me promise to take care of her and of course, I did. I did as long as I could and then I got help from others, at the end. She and I came to an understanding, I think. There was one day, before her stroke, when she looked at Rod and me in a sad way. She said that she had been waking up in the night, worried about how she had treated people and that she was so sorry for being the way that she was. That was a huge gift. I told her that I forgave her and that all of those that she thinks that she needed forgiveness from were already on the Other Side, waiting to love her.

When I got one particular note yesterday, about the phone call being from Mom, I of course thought about it later that morning and felt this rip in my heart, worrying that I had NOT been a good enough daughter to her. I was alone in the dye room and just began sobbing. I had to get it all out and say out loud, "I forgive you and I know that you did the best that you could". It was cathartic but wore me right out. I thought for sure that I was going to get sick and then...we cut to scene one of this essay. I took a HOT shower, dressed and put on make-up, took Happy Holly in my pocket to my daughter's house, showing up in my light-up silly Christmas Hat.

It is going to be just fine. Bye bye, Mama, bye bye. I love you.

Thank you

So much kindness. I am overwhelmed and keep crying today. I think that I was in shock or something, last night, when I was almost giddy. I am tired of this grief and thought that I would sail right through today. Ha ha on me...no such luck.
 You have all allowed me to feel like there is a family out there. We only children can take it all on and all in like brave spirits but sometimes there is a breaking point. I hope to have some fun tonight, cheering on the Oregon Ducks with my beautiful daughter, handsome future son-in-law and well, The Schnickle. I might cry but I hope that I laugh a lot more.
 Thank you all.

Mom's Graduation Day

For those of you who have been following the saga, my mother passed from this earth tonight. It has been a long struggle for her, since her terrible stroke in February and for the past week she has been doing very poorly. It was weird because early this morning, at 3:30 AM, we had a one ring call, short enough to wake us but not long enough to register on the caller ID. This morning, I referred to it as the Fire Drill. I guess that it WAS the Fire Drill because just a little while ago, I got the call that Mom had gone.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers through this journey. It is a relief to know that she is done with the suffering.