Thank you all for your kind words and for taking the time to write to me. I thought that it would be cathartic to write the words that came from my soul to hers but I tell you, after I finished the piece and then read it back, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I had a hard time functioning for the rest of the day. Gah! I guess that it is cathartic, this grief process. All that I know is that I delayed it by having a birthday party for my daughter and then Going For A Ride to Atlanta and back. I really was in good spirits yesterday, going to the Waffle Shop for a waffle topped with fresh strawberries and bananas. It was going to be no big deal to run That Errand, stop at Raley's and come home. Not so fast, Sister, you have some grieving to do and we want you to know that delaying this stuff just makes it hit harder, when it finally does come.
I guess that it was the suddenness of the whole thing. Dog is normal, Dog is off feed and then Dog is being rushed to the ER. As we left the Smith Flat Animal Hospital (our vet, who sent us the most lovely card signed by everyone at their clinic) they KNEW...they knew and they told us what a tremendous place we were going to, which was the top animal hospital in the state. They also told us that Sasha, for a dog of her size (112 at the time of her death) was remarkable to have lived such a good long life. I guess that I had just never thought of her as OLD. She had grey chin hairs and cloudy eyes, which were really the only giveaway. She WAS remarkable and naughty. She was the one who led the charge down to the neighbor's house to "go see" what was in their garbage can. She would look at me and scoff at the idea that she was going to mind me, when taking a shortcut down there in a way that she knew that I could not follow.
It reminds me of how, when we lived in Lafayette, she would make a bee-line over to the Sevilla's, if she got out of the front door. NAUGHTY! Tank would come when called but Sasha would look at me with those big eyes and a thought bubble of "you have to come get me" would pop up causing me to let out a string of swear words, grab the big leash and go over to Cindy's where that dog would be searching for a particularly tasty horse poop, in the garden. Ai-yi-yi! Smart and naughty.
When she was a puppy, she was not an alpha, being the only female in a giant litter of Rottie crosses. I had seen that pile of her brothers in another pen, the Saturday before I found her and they all had that Rottie coloring. She had been going through HER neutering when we went that day and was there when I had not expected to find anyone. One of her ears had a split, where it had probably been torn by the needle sharp tooth of one of her brothers and this was always a tender spot for her. When she was a puppy, she would pee when people met her, in a submissive posture and I thought that she would NEVER stop doing it. She was also VERY sensitive and hated to be brushed but you know, when Tank came into her life and began pestering her and wrestling with her, he desensitized her to the point that she loved being brushed.
Life is more quiet without that big WOOF that would set off Tank's barking. He is now free to just be our dog and the second part of his life will be one that allows him more time with us. Lorrie brought her Dega over for walks, when we were gone and Tank seemed very happy to have her visit. She can come over to be the office dog on work days and Tankie can have someone to jostle with and then she can go home, leaving him to be The Dog. It is ok.
I wish you a happy easter if you celebrate. Me? I prefer to do the eggs and bunny part, being more of a spiritual being who eschews religion. We will go to Lauren's house to watch Jakie run around hunting for his eggs, laugh and talk to the New Baby through Mama's belly. This next week, I will get back to the dye room with Lorrie and anticipate the coming workers who are going to transform the bit of land behind out house into a garden. (just the close stuff, the rest will remain natural) Life goes on.
Hug your pets and be kind to others. Life is shorter for our furred friends and they are here to teach us how to deal with loss and grief and to keep on going. On this rainy day in paradise, I say that I am going to pull myself together and go have some fun.
I hope your Sunday is a lovely, healing day. You've been on my mind ever since I read your post yesterday. Give Tank a big hug from everyone out here on the internet, and save some love for yourself while you're at it!
Posted by: Dana | April 24, 2011 at 08:13 AM
I had to put a Lab to sleep, they are so stoic. We did it the same way you did. He was a good dog. And naughty.
You know how sometimes you'll prop open the fridge door with the crisper drawer while you are getting out the salad ingredients? One time he snuck up on it, stole a tomato out of the drawer and took off.
Posted by: crgilvr | April 24, 2011 at 11:03 AM
Giving Tank lots of hugs, Dana.
The vision of a tomato being purloined from the crisper made me laugh! She loved her veggies. :o)
Posted by: Lisa S | April 24, 2011 at 11:55 AM
crgilvr - that is funny - reminds me of a cocker spaniel we had - she would love to steal tomatoes right off the vine!
Lisa, thanks for the email. We did get the call from the vet today - it is definitely cancer but we have decided, due to his age, that we will not do any interventions until it is time...
Posted by: danielle | April 25, 2011 at 02:05 PM
I was going to comment on your previous post, but by the time I pulled myself together, you had another post up. I'm so sorry you lost your Sasha. I have a beautiful black dog, too - Sheba. She is a 13 year old, blind, chow mix and she is showing her age somewhat, though she still really enjoys her evening sessions with her treat-filled toy. She got some extra attention and treats from Sasha's memory.
Posted by: Miriam Eckblade | April 25, 2011 at 02:48 PM
I was winding some of your cashmere/silk fingering just now and needed to come to your blog to see what-all you were up to these days. Oh, Lisa! I'm so sorry you lost Sasha!
She was loving and well loved. She and Tank, good dogs both. I'm so glad I got to meet them in person back in Lafayette.
Posted by: AlisonH | April 25, 2011 at 08:46 PM
Ah, there's something about the rottie/lab mix. That face. That coyness. Hysterical. My Grant is one. I'm so sorry that you lost yours.
Posted by: MarthaH | April 26, 2011 at 04:20 AM