You meet someone unexpectedly and something comes over you that is nothing short of falling in love. It happened when I saw The Schnickle being born and it happened the day that I went to the Oakland SPCA with my step-father and son, to help the former find a cat. There she was, all alone in this big pen with a pink shaved tummy and that face. I nearly passed out in love with her and I knew that I was going to call her Sasha.
She was my constant companion for her first five or six years, following me around and "helping me" with Potato Digging. She loved spuds fresh from the garden and crunchy red bell peppers. Sasha would hang out with me when I was fixing dinner and always get the prized pepper bottoms as a delicious snack. (I still saved them for her and Tank but he ate them because SHE ate them, never being a gourmet, himself.) She would drag me around the neighborhood, straining at the leash until I got the Gentle Leader which allowed me to have a little more control over that enormous dog. She was kind of like a small pony but was the most loving being.
She was an Only Dog until we went to New Zealand for our 35th anniversary and our beloved Lafayette neighbors, the Sevilla's, took her in for the three weeks. This is where she learned better manners and helped to socialize and mother their new guide dog pup, a Real Black Lab (she was a Rottie cross) by the name of Bismark. She proved to be such a good nurturing dog that I finally said yes to Rod about bringing another dog into our tiny house when he tortured me with a picture of a roly poly black lab pup who was the biggest of his litter. Tank. Sasha adored Tank and taught him the ropes as well as showing him how naughty a smart dog could be. They were inseperable because he loved her with all of his being.
In '07, we moved up here, where the house was twice as big and the land was like a park. She loved it here and got fit and beautiful, checking the smells left by the wild creatures on her first rounds of the morning. It was a GREAT life for her, here. 8 acres of freedom.
Two weeks ago, just before we were to leave for Atlanta, she had a low day. She was a GREAT eater and a big fan of any food and when she begrudgingly took the morning cookie from me, I knew that something was weird. When it was time to go outside for their morning constitutional, Tank took off as usual and Sashie was just not so very interested in going out. She minded me but just could not bring herself to climb the hill to the back of the property and this made me worry. I worked as usual and then told Rod that when she refused her afternoon cookie, it was time to take her to the vet. She was terribly anemic and when her x-ray came back blurry, the prognosis was looking bad. She was bleeding into her belly and we had to take her to the emergency vet right away, to get an ultrasound to see if this was the bad news that I was fearing. I got into the back seat with her (she was a notoriously bad traveler) and talked to her as we rocketed down the highway to the Sacramento border to the emergency vet. She was sweet and patient and did not seem in any pain. At the ER, she quickly became everyone's favorite, with her sweet demeanor and willing ways. She endured an ultrasound with her shaved belly (what goes around...) and followed us into the exam room when the doctor gave us the news that her spleen had tumors that had ruptured and that he had seen one in her liver. I was just gutted and knew, after talking to the doctor that a spleenectomy would not save her life. I could not see her go through such surgery and then die in a few months and so I asked the doctor to help her. We made the decision that was one of the hardest and easiest and that was for her to leave quietly. I told the doctor that while I had never had the courage to sit with any of my other pets that had gone on, This Dog deserved us to be with her.
They prepared her leg and she came happily and tiredly in with a blue bandage holding the IV opening. She lay down with us and we talked to her and cried and were all ready when the doctor came in with the big syringes, one white and one pink. He told us what would happen and we held her and talked and petted her as she relaxed with the first injection. I told her that she was The Best Dog and watched as the second injection went down the needle and before I knew it, the doctor, who had been listening to her big heart, pulled away and told us that she was gone. It was so fast. I thanked him with big tears rolling down my cheeks and we were able to sit with her and pet her big silent body until we were ready to leave her. When we hit the parking lot, we just fell apart. They were all so kind and that gets me, every time.
I chose to have her come home with us and today, we went down to the clinic to pick up her ashes. I was strong, I thought. The big beautiful wooden box came out to us and the gal showed us the velvet bag that held the ashes, in case we wanted to spread them. Fine. The coupe de gras came when she gave us the pink disk with Sasha's name and paw print. The staff had taken her print after we left and made this for us as a keepsake. I simply came undone. It was just so very very thoughtful of them to do this and I thanked them through my sobs.
She is home.
I will find a wonderful place to plant a dogwood and place her ashes in the hole when we plant it. To Sasha I say, Goodbye old friend. I loved you dearly from the moment I set eyes on you and kissed you goodbye on that perfect dent on your enormous head. I miss you every day but I will see you again when we walk together on the other side. You were my special companion and you deserve to be here on this land that we all love so much. My heart is broken and Tank is learning to be an only dog. He is calming down and accepting his position, being good in the main part of the house and he and Boopie have come to an Understanding, of sorts. He doesn't seem to feel the need to be naughty and is pushing her away from scratching at the door. The change is remarkable.
Life goes on and the beautiful blue windchimes are ringing with a rich deep tone outside of my office. I am just worn out.
Oh Lisa, what a beautiful way you told this story. I had to put my own girl down this last year, and it is not easy, but the right decision. I'm sending you big hugs right now. It's been about 8 months since I lost my Annabelle and I am beginning to feel ready for a new dog or cat in my life. (at least that's what I think it means when I find myself looking at the shelter website late at night).
Posted by: janel | April 23, 2011 at 02:00 PM
Oh, Lisa, there just aren't words in the world. May the level of sorrow you feel now be balanced by the level of joy you will feel when you and Sasha meet next.
Posted by: Sam | April 23, 2011 at 02:12 PM
I have had to do this and will again and just reading your entry here makes me tear up. It's a sad and yet good thing that we care so much for our animals. I'm so sorry for your loss and yes, I too look forward to meeting all my pets again someday.
Posted by: AnnaMarie | April 23, 2011 at 02:19 PM
Lisa, what am amazing dog Sasha was. I have no other words right now.
Posted by: Tammy | April 23, 2011 at 02:31 PM
Lisa....what a beautiful story. Last year we had to put our cat to sleep. It was soooo hard but you are right....life goes on and you still have another to care for. We got our dog and cat when they were both about 9weeks old from the SPCA so the dog misses her playmate and she too is getting up in age. Keep knowing that you will see Sasha again....
Posted by: LaNorris Federick-Bullock | April 23, 2011 at 02:50 PM
man, oh man. Hugs to you, sweetie.
Posted by: Kerry | April 23, 2011 at 03:04 PM
Iam so so sorry. Friday we learned our dog has rectal cancer. Well, a tumor at any rate. Monday we will find out if it is benign or malignant, but from reading up on the surgery I do not think we can do that to him...especially since, if it is malignant, all that pain results in only a year or two more if he responds to the chemo & radiation. He was a rescue dog too, and we dont know how old he is - somewhere past 12. At this point he is not in pain, and is still Happy Jack...Lots and lots and lots of hugs. I know she is watching you and thanking you for the best life she could have, and the easiest, and most humane, end.
Posted by: danielle | April 23, 2011 at 05:59 PM
That just broke my heart. I worked at an animal clinic and the loss of a pet never ceases to move me. I'm sorry for your loss, but you did the right thing for her. I hope your memories of her sustain you when you get lonely.
Posted by: Dana | April 23, 2011 at 06:48 PM
What a very beautifully written tribute about your beloved Sasha. I could barely see through my tears as I read it. She was a very lucky pupper to have you all. Hugs.
Posted by: Manise | April 24, 2011 at 05:07 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Our furry friends always seem to go too soon.
Posted by: Lorraine | April 24, 2011 at 05:51 AM
Oh Lisa, my heart is breaking for you. I will give my pups an extra hug or 10 today in Sasha's honor. Take comfort in your memories and the knowledge that you will meet her again someday.
Posted by: Rachael Switalski | April 24, 2011 at 06:47 AM
I've got a chocolate lab and I dread having to take your decision. What a wonderful friend she was.
I had to get my 18yr old ginger tom cat put down 3 yrs ago and we still miss him as he was so unique - but now we laugh at the memories instead of crying about them. Time heals.
Posted by: kiwigirl42 (Adee) | April 25, 2011 at 02:38 AM
So sorry to hear about Sasha. I know your other pets will love you extra because they can tell you need it.
Posted by: Caroline | April 25, 2011 at 05:27 AM
Lisa, my mom told me about your blog post and that I had to read it because one of my dogs sounds very like your Sasha. I confess, I put off reading it because I knew it would be tough, and it was. Absolutely, heartbreakingly beautiful, but tough. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful tribute...
Posted by: Deirdre | June 15, 2011 at 10:23 AM
Thanks Deirdre, it was hard for me to open this page, just now but I needed to tell you that there is a picture of Sasha's tree on the latest post that was put up, just now. Tank and Boopie are hanging out with me, here in the office, right now.
Posted by: Lisa S | June 15, 2011 at 01:14 PM